what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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