And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize