two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
