You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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