I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
