He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
is that a dick in a sweater?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
