so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Randomize