Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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