she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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