dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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