I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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