they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My breasts were aching with rage.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
