I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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