So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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