billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
