maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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