There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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