how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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