I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
