Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
