Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
