I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
