at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
