I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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