If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
