every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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