I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
