I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
