honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
