Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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