Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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