I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
