really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize