The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
