I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
