i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize