Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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