dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
