The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
