just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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