someone threw a dead crab at me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
my poor anus
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
