I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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