You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
pray to the hookup gods
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize