New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
