i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
