you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
