I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We talked him into tasing himself.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
