So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize