Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
