allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
