hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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