Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
