well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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