I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
