My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Randomize
