You really coming over, don't trick.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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