i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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