Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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