I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
