Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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