So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
