Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so let's talk penis.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
