did you get engaged???
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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