We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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