I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
