if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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