well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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