He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i think i just lost a toe
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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