Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
