DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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