I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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